A Funny Thing Happened on the Not-So-Hasty Retreat from the Subprime Meltdown

Finally, some dinner theatre around this place.  Master, servant, pimp, whore?  I'm not sure, but I do think it's funny when you are accused of being one of the foregoing, and your response is to issue a lengthy press release trying to absolve yourself on several theories, including these:  (1) Technically, legally, given the environment and the players, and our First Amendment rights, we really didn't do anything wrong (that's a paraphrase, but I'm pretty sure they didn't use the words ethically or morally); (2) Hey, other people did it, too, but you're only picking on us.

Uh, okay.  Let me help you, since you seem to be unclear on the concept:

"Hey, man, we might be bad, but look what we got paid.  It's not like we were working for Heidi Fleiss; at these rates we're just common streetwalkers!  Seriously, when these banks pay us for a rating, scratch that, pay us to independently review an issuance and give a completely impartial, non-biased third-party opinion from the best of the brightest minds from only Ivy League schools, we're getting paid for the equivalent of a hummer, while offering full service and party favors, which is simply unfair. You can hardly visit the Hamptons with that kind of pay, let alone buy a place."

See, that sort of appeals to the DOJ's sense of fair play, that the investment banks are more evil than you, since they were the ones buying the ratings, oops I mean paying for the independent reviews.

Not really, I'm just kidding.  You're screwed.  But, hey, I'm pretty sure the folks being referenced in #2 above are in the on-deck circle right now.

Editorial Note:  Yes, that's right, the rating agencies have asserted that their ratings are protected by the First Amendment, and in most cases the courts have agreed. What they fail to mention is that this is to protect them from being sued when they either say something bad about a company, or make an unintentional mistake. I'm pretty sure wholesale fraud and lying are frowned upon and not protected, just like they are for the rest of us chumps.

Here's the source article:

DOJ Complaint Against S&P Filed in Central District of California