The Continuing Crisis . . . Part 837b

What causes the most accidents on California freeways? Unexpected weather changes, jackknifed semitrailers, use of mobile devices while driving, excessive dancing/singing, putting on cosmetics? No! It is my sincere belief that the cause of most accidents is loss of brain control while trying to decipher badly conjured vanity plates. Exhibit #1 in this argument:

Sorry, taking clear photos while driving 80 mph is not my forte. The plate, in case you can't make it out, reads:

Street Smarts Versus Book Smarts—Explained!

In business school, I took a couple classes that were taught jointly to both business and law school students. One of those was a class on entertainment law, but it was mostly about music law, also known as how music companies still rape musicians to this day (metaphorically speaking, of course).

(more after the break)

Badly In Need of a Copy Editor

Oops. So this guy is maybe an extreme rapist? Just guessing.

I've Always Wondered if this Ever Happens in Real Life

I guess so.

San Bernardino Man Killed by Gun in his Waistband

Spiritus in Machina

Acxiom is a data-mining company headquartered in Little Rock, AR. It's also really hard to pronounce (I'm guessing, as I've never actually heard someone say the name) and spell (so much so that it is misspelled as "Axciom" by such luminaries as ZDNet and The Huffington Post). I believe Acxiom prefers to be called a targeted marketing and planning company, or something like that. None of that is particularly relevant to this post, however; please review the following from Acxiom's website:

Last time I checked, the US population was slightly north of 315 million persons (US Census Bureau). Which begs the question, what exactly is Acxiom counting?  It occurred to me that perhaps the 500 million included all the people who have died and been born since Acxiom started keeping records in 1969, going by the name Demographics.  Since that time, approximately 96.3 million US souls have departed this mortal coil, based on CDC info and extrapolating for the last two years (US CDC WONDER Database). The current population already includes new births (as well as anyone born prior to 1969 who is still alive today), so we get to 411.3 million potential US consumers. Something is amiss, I think. My theories:

• Acxiom has multiple instances of the same people, so they have a higher raw count than the actual number of people who exist
• They are rounding up—badly
• You know those duplicate songs, pictures and other files you have on your computer? Acxiom has that problem, too
• Pets have been added to the database
• Imaginary friends are included in the database
• Someone forgot to Google "US population 2013," so instead just guessed from memory
• The immediately preceding person's education was subpar, was hampered by excessive use of mind-altering substances, or both
• Spiritus in Machina

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How to Avoid Mass Carnage in Manmade Circles

My Dear Fellow Americans,

No, you are not hallucinating--that is a roundabout in a suburban American city. By the way, since it was only my incredible ninja driving skills that saved me from crushing the back of your van like a used up PBR can: no, you do NOT yield for other cars to enter the roundabout.

Thank you for your consideration. But not for being over-polite. That will definitely get someone killed someday.

That is all. Good day.

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posted from Bloggeroid

Well, That's a Surprise

B of A Employees Told to Lie

A little factoid for BofA brass:  Just because they are disgruntled former employees, that doesn't mean the allegations are false.  In fact, what axe do they really have to grind otherwise?

As someone slandered and libeled by a supposed "colleague" and repeat offender, those lies in turn believed by toothless, gutless "management," this totally makes sense to me.

Hopefully This Won't Have the Same Stupid Backlash as Blazing Saddles, but I Always Count on Intellectual Elitism for Its Own Share of Utter Stupidity

How to Make Money Selling Drugs

See this movie.  It opens Wednesday.

Taking the Plunge

Man Jumps from Cruise Ship After His Girlfriend Takes Plunge

Hey, I'd take the time to consider the plight of these two, presumably dead now.  But I didn't know them, and besides, they were outside of my sphere of influence before, and most assuredly are now.  So instead I'd like to make the observation that the authorities have made a big leap of faith (pun intended) in assuming this guy jumped merely because his girlfriend did.  If I suddenly found myself trapped on a Carnival Cruise ship, with or without life partner, I'd jump, too.

Photo © Carnival Cruise Lines

Fuzzy Math

“Pension has been a drag for a decade.” 

Jeffrey R. Immelt

GE Chairman and CEO

Investor outlook meeting, December 14, 2011

Much like determining what the meaning of "is" is, apparently "decade" means "next year," or in this case, 2012, since that was the year GE made its first pension contribution in 24 years.  Perhaps he was referring to non-cash accounting items.  Sadly, those of us in the real world don't consider those to be actual expenses, since no actual "cash money," as we in the streets would say, has to be paid.  

Never count out the white knight, however; the federal government is always happy to help out giant mega-corporations, with a handout attached to a highway bill, no less, cutting the cost to the company by $2.5 billion.  And to think, Obama claims to be a democrat.  He's just a career politician like all the rest.  But please, call them muses, let's not get tawdry on my blog. 

Oh, and the coda?  The heat of having to pony up some funds for the first time since 1987 was just too much, so the company chose to shut down its defined-benefit pension plan to new employees at the end of 2010.  Ah, that explains the quote above.  It's not fuzzy math, just the inexorable, never ending, spin...

Based on original posting at:  GE's deep pension freeze | Pension Rights Center

Spin Doctors, "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong"

Note:  Lead singer in video is not Jeff Immelt, nor is the girl, well, nor is anyone in the video.  Just want to avoid any confusion.  You might not have been confused, but my head spins like I'm in an Alice in Wonderland tableau when I read GE company quotes.

As an aside, the source posting (same as right before the video) makes a reference to Thomas Edison.  Not the nicest guy in the world.  Too bad this didn't actually happen:

Oh yeah, you can buy the stunning artwork above here.  And last but not least, the great debate about the genius scientist (ahem, that's Tesla, in case you were confused) and the hack who put a bounty on neighborhood pets and strays, then electrocuted them in public to show the danger of AC electricity (that's Edison, by the way), lives on:  Nikola Tesla > Thomas Edison.  Many apologists have come out since to defend Edison and his animal-killing ways (let's not forget that killing small animals is the first step on the slippery slope to serial killerism - maybe we need to delve a little deeper into Edison's past), but they've mostly relied on historical writings as their basis.  I'd have to say, having read a history book or two, that I have yet to read one (at least in the broader context of public education) that gives a true account of our country's treatment of its native citizens, Japanese internment camps, and dozens of other  atrocities committed in the name of keeping people safe, or more often, simply greed.

What the NYPD Thinks of Free Speech

What do you get for putting up 100 posters in high-trafficked areas of New York City, that essentially say the NYPD uses drones to stop crime, in an obvious slam of the Obama administration's domestic drone program, as well as a criticism of the "1984" qualities that big cities, inexorably, keep sliding toward?

If your guess was not much, or even better, 56 felony counts of possession of a fraudulent instrument, then you win the pony.  Because it's not the crime that matters, it's who you piss off in the process, that matters.  Just another example of people with no sense of humor - and definitely, based on the charges, no sense of irony.  Frankly, considering the history of our country, this guy should get an award for cleverness, and perhaps a job with an ad agency.  If he infringed on someone else's ads, there may be a cost that should be paid to that party.  But the charges sound to me to be a bit...what's that word?  It rhymes with delicious, but it's almost like the opposite of delicious.  Oh well, it will come to me eventually.  Welcome to the free world, circa 2013, where free speech is tolerated only if approved by your government.  And I think we can rest comfortably, knowing that the Queen Mother and the Crown are looking after us all.

Oh, you wanted a picture of the poster?  Demanding little gutter snipes, aren't you?  Here you go:

Click for Article

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Fighting the Good Fight

I generally restrict my posts to original content, but this was a little too good to pass up, so I'm linking it here.

Ever get one of those emails from a concerned reverend, high government official, embassy worker, etc., located in some third-world country, offering to send you USD50MILLION or something similar, if you can just send a few thousand dollars to pay for the legal work of getting that money out of the country and into your hot little hands?  Notwithstanding the fact that such emails, generally, test the bounds of human logic, there's a reason they proliferated, and still exist to this day - to some degree, they work.  They may work on only .001% of those to whom they are sent, but that's all it takes for it to be worth it, when it costs nothing to send an email.  Despite my belief that we humans already do way too much to thwart natural selection within our own species, it's inherently inhumane to feel no compassion for people who fall for such ploys, at the hands of criminal parasites.

One man and his friends (aka scambaiters) decided to fight back (screen shot):

In many cases, they've convinced the criminals on the other end to fly thousands of miles, in the belief that they will meet our crusaders in person to receive requested funds.  Much to their chagrin, it's all just a ploy.  Oddly, the criminal element, just like many people in general, seems to lack a well developed sense of humor - or irony.  

Regardless, you can check out each of their "projects" and trace the exchanges from start to finish.  They include maps, the entire email trail, and other notes.  

419 Eater

Cheers.

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Well, That's a Relief

Java and Flash - Tools of the Devil

The linked post is as follows (in case the link doesn't work, or FB doesn't like you):

Other than the fact that nearly all malware designed to infect Macs, is based on either Java or Flash, this is excellent news.

My Advice on the Flu (Well, the Flu Shot Anyway)

Hey, do what you like, but I never get the flu shot.  And I never get the flu.  How odd is that?  Then again, I subscribe to the belief that the flu shot compromises one's immune system at exactly the worst possible time, and you just end up getting a different strain of it, due to your increased vulnerability.  But my 47 null data points could be wrong, while the media and public health officials could be right, since they've all diligently researched it, of course.  Even more interesting, if you ask your own doctor, you may be surprised by the response.

Cheers, and happy flu season.

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Baffled by News Anchors' Lack of Speaking Prowess

Perhaps the public schools are letting us down.

Or maybe people just want to be cute.

I have no idea.

But how someone can be a nightly news anchor in an almost-first-tier news market, yet not know the correct pronunciation of the word 'zeta', is beyond me.  Especially when his name is Carlo.  I'm no linguist, but I'm pretty sure Carlo is of Latin derivation. As is, of course, Latin itself. And Greek. And Roman. And the last time I looked, Rome was in Italy. And Cecchetto, Carlo's last name, seems pretty Italian to me.

Then again, I'm no expert. You be the judge.

PS - Yes, I know he's from Omaha, don't ruin the story for everyone.  I'm from Iowa, and still, I somehow know how to pronounce zeta.  And just for the record, it's Los Zetas in this particular case.

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People Unclear on the Concept

I've always thought Oracle was tremendous at marketing its products, especially since they tend to suck so much.  In fact, they make a software (Java) so poorly designed and executed, yet so widespread, that it is single-handedly responsible for many of the most destructive internet security breaches of the 21st century.  Like any true marketing organization, a la P.T. Barnum, that doesn't stop Oracle from touting "security" and "stability" when marketing this plague.  And lest you think it's unfair to pick on a single product from Oracle, I'm not - this one just happens to be in the news right now.  They make plenty of other products that suck badly, though those ones tend not to open your internet portal to cyber-criminals by merely clicking on a web page.

iTunes - Striving Hard to Underwhelm and Confuse...and Succeeding!

It was a close call tonight. I almost had a heart attack, or might have spontaneously combusted, if what I had seen were true. Fortunately for me, it was merely a head fake by the King of Head Fakes, Apple.  I've always hated ripping my CDs to iTunes.  Not because it's hard to do - insert, rip, done.

The problem is the aftermath that remains.   iTunes often has problems finding artists and artwork, a problem which only seems to happen when one rips one's own CDs to iTunes rather than downloading.  So, I often have to select all, type in the artist name, then all the track names, then copy in the artwork (I suppose I should just rip the metadata from AWS or a similar source, but on principle I don't want to give in, and implicitly endorse iTunes' mediocrity).

To be fair to Apple, and let you know just how anal I am about my music, I don't have a single track out of over 10,000 that is entitled "Track __", nor do I have any songs named "Unknown Track" or any bands named "Unknown Artist." I also don't let iTunes find song titles for me, because I've discovered over time that some people actually upload to discog and other services, as source material, all words in lower case, as well as misspellings, unneeded abbreviations, incorrect labels, etc.  Not coincidentally, the aforementioned are all very high on the list of things that annoy the hell out of me. So I keep it organized myself.

Solving the Healthcare "Crisis"

Let's skip the wordy preamble, shall we?  I've thrown these ideas out countless times to those who should understand, and I'm always told that I'm impractical.  Then again, I worked with people for several years who thought that new business ideas comprised dredging up the same vomit they spewed two years earlier, and pretending like it was something new under the sun.  So maybe I'm not the impractical one:

My Solution to Our Nation's Education "Dilemma"

This one might actually be short.  Because the solutions are so damn simple.  Here we go (not to be confused with a beer-fetching dog):

1. Abolish the Department of Education.  Seriously, would you want anyone in Washington teaching your children?  And what could they possibly teach them?  Bribery, embezzlement, clandestine sexual relations, blackmail, genocide, chicanery, fraud, misappropriation of funds, whoring, pimping, lying, cheating?  Well, I think you get the idea.

This is from the U.S. Department of Education's homepage:

"ED currently administers a budget of $68.1 billion in discretionary appropriations (including discretionary Pell Grant funding) and operates programs that touch on every area and level of education. The Department's elementary and secondary programs annually serve nearly 16,000 school districts and approximately 49 million students attending more than 98,000 public schools and 28,000 private schools. Department programs also provide grant, loan, and work-study assistance to more than 15 million postsecondary students.

That said, it is important to point out that education in America is primarily a State and local responsibility, and ED's budget is only a small part of both total national education spending and the overall Federal budget [....]."

A Brief Lesson in Economics

Bloomberg Reports that Housing Is Rocketing Skyward!!!

Hey, hey, housing starts are up!  That means housing has turned the corner, right?  Not so fast, Panama Red.

I have no problem with reporting the data, but I do have a problem with the way it's reported.  Every time I see these headlines, the heady writing always includes something like "this shows that demand for homes is picking up."  In fact, that is a blatant lie, or a misunderstanding of the simplest concept of Econ 101.