This one might actually be short. Because the solutions are so damn simple. Here we go (not to be confused with a beer-fetching dog):
1. Abolish the Department of Education. Seriously, would you want anyone in Washington teaching your children? And what could they possibly teach them? Bribery, embezzlement, clandestine sexual relations, blackmail, genocide, chicanery, fraud, misappropriation of funds, whoring, pimping, lying, cheating? Well, I think you get the idea.
This is from the U.S. Department of Education's homepage:
"ED currently administers a budget of $68.1 billion in discretionary appropriations (including discretionary Pell Grant funding) and operates programs that touch on every area and level of education. The Department's elementary and secondary programs annually serve nearly 16,000 school districts and approximately 49 million students attending more than 98,000 public schools and 28,000 private schools. Department programs also provide grant, loan, and work-study assistance to more than 15 million postsecondary students.
That said, it is important to point out that education in America is primarily a State and local responsibility, and ED's budget is only a small part of both total national education spending and the overall Federal budget [....]."